If I Ran the Oscars

Published on February 22, 2009

If I ran the Academy Award ceremony:

  • The host would be a news reporter, chosen specifically for their inability to make lame jokes.
  • Said host would read the award category, the nominations, and the winner, without any pauses or cuts to montages of said nominations.
  • Award presentations that no one cares about (best sound editing, best art direction, best makeup, etc) wouldn’t be televised.
  • Award winners would receive their award on a side stage with no podium or microphone, thereby removing their ability to give an acceptance speech.
  • The entire award ceremony would be 30 minutes long.
  • Nielsen ratings for the event would be at an all time high.

Hold your applause, please.

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